Dance Off

Back during my sophomore year in college, there was this girl in one of my physics classes that I thought was pretty hot. She was totally vapid and had a completely uninteresting personality, but basically it was just a matter of trying to get into her pants at the time.

Acting under the premise that it’s easier to get with someone by being what they want than who you are, I asked her out to go “clubbing” and she actually agreed to it. That kind of blew my mind, but whatever.

So we went out to this place on State Street, and good lord almighty was I bored. Especially since I don’t dance or anything. So we sat at the bar, and she yammered on and on and on and on, and I sat there feigning interest. Of course there comes a point where someone, no matter how hot they may be, are just entirely too annoying to ever consider sleeping with. I don’t even know at what point I noticed that she wasn’t even sitting next to me anymore, she was grinding with some meathead on the dance floor. So I sat there drinking beers, and guess who sits down next to me?

The Riddler.

I shit you not, the fucking Riddler sits down at the bar right next to me.

I mean, my god, what are the odds that you’re going to meet the Riddler in a bar in Santa Barbara? And get this… He buys me a drink! He buys me a drink and starts going on about how he got ditched by his date too. For a smart guy, he sure seems to whine an awful lot. He keeps buying me drinks though, he won’t shut up, and then something hits me…

My god, is the Riddler HITTING ON ME?

So I look at him, and his sitting there sucking on a straw like he’s trying to be seductive, and I think, “OH MY GOD, HE IS TRYING TO HIT ON ME!” Of course, I immediately go back to staring straight into my drink and start pondering how the hell I’m going to gracefully extricate myself from this situation, when a hush falls over the crowd. We all turn to the dance floor, and who should be there but BATMAN.

Batman. On the dance floor. And before anyone can know what’s happened, he challenges the Riddler to a dance off right then and there.

Now when you go out clubbing, the last thing you expect to see is the Riddler and Batman get into a dance off, least off all with choreographed back up dancers behind them. It was totally unreal to watch, a feverish blurr of twirls and pelvic thrusts and poses, but in the end there could only be one winner.

The Riddler.

Sorry Batman, but as athletic as you are, you just weren’t gay enough to out dance the Riddler. Of course that didn’t stop Batman from just punching his lights out and doing that little zip line thingy to book it out of there.

So I stuck around for a while out of that before leaving, and when I get outside, what do you think I see? My date hopping into the Batmobile. Of all the luck.

 

LEGENDS OF BATMAN!