Mailbag

Date: Thu, 24 Nov 2005 23:58:47 -0500
From: "Derek Burrow"
To: Superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Superheroines in pants

The pants thing is really dependent on costume. Jenny Sparks, from The
Authority, wore pants...but then again in her first appearence she
stated that there was no way she'd wear a costume.

The leader of Justice League Elite, Vera Black, also wears pants. But
considering that Vera is more or less a straight off clone of Jenny
Sparks, save that she has cyberware instead of electrical manipulation
powers, it's not all that surprising.

Umm...that's all I got. I really cannot defend the pants comment, so I
will revert to quoting Warren Ellis from his Toronto ComicCon Q&A
session, as he defends other pieces of clothing:

"We will defend the cleavage with our lives!"

-Bard

"We will defend the cleavage with our lives" has just become my new most favorite saying ever.

EVER.

*Throws "Destroy All Humans!" placard in trash.*

Sorry Bender, you've been replaced...

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From: "Jeff Penner"
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Superdickery war cover
Date: Thu, 24 Nov 2005 08:16:50 +0000

I've visited your site several times and always have a good laugh. I
had yet to come across this one though:

http://www.superdickery.com/other/247.html

Usually your caption is what makes me chuckle but this time just the
trouble these guys go through to get a good shot at the dinosaur made me laugh
outloud.

Jeff Penner

Somehow I don't think that bullet is going to do them a heck of a lot of good. I mean hell, look at the size of that dinosaur, its *fingers* are as thick as that tree they're climbing...

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From: "Caitlin Rafferty"
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Batman isn't gay. Better sidekick. And so on.
Date: Thu, 24 Nov 2005 01:14:00 +0000

Hello, Mike (that IS you name, right?)!

I'd just like to say that you'vet one of the most hilarious websites
I've ever seen, the "Everything's Better With Monkeys" and "Stupid Comic
Covers" sections just kill me. My online buddy gave me the link, I laughed my
ass off. I gave my cousin the link, she laughed her ass off. To put it
simply, your site is absolutely brilliant, and without your witty comments, I
probably wouldn't find the stuff on there to be funny at all...if that
makes any sense.

Anyway, enough of my pointless worship, time to get on with the actual
subjects of this e-mail.

You say that Batman isn't gay, and I agree with you entirely. I mean,
the people who are always going "OMGLOLZROFL BATMAN IZ A
FAG!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!11" are clearly imbeciles who just don't realize
that Batman isn't a homosexual. Though, usually, when you try to make an
argument with people they usually say something like this; "THEN HES
BI!!!1!1!!". No, he's not homosexual, and he isn't bisexual. Batman is 100%
heterosexual. I'm bi, and of course, am a full supporter of homosexuality, bisexuality,
transsexuality and so on in that manner. But that still doesn't change
the fact that I think Batman is straight, not gay, straight. I really want
to cripple the people who say otherwise.

Next, is the comic cover where the Quik Bunny seems to be Superman's
sidekick. When I saw that, hoo boy, did I gag. Seriously, what use
could a BUNNY that makes CHOCOLATE STUFF have in battle? Like, what will he
say, "Stop, vile criminal! Or I shall smother you with sweet, chocolately
goodness!" Or maybe that's the actual reason why Superman decided to
fight alongside the li'l, brown bunny, because, being the dick that he is, he
thought it would be amusing to have a sidekick that is completely
useless and would get his poofy ass kicked from here to Albequerque in less
than ten minutes. Either way, the Quik Bunny is a horrible sidekick, I mean,
Matter-Eater lad would probably make a better sidekick! And that's
saying something, because Matter-Eater Lad sucks dirty tampons (well,
probably).Well, that's all I have to say. Once again, great site.

-Caitlin

I'd be a mistake to underestimate the power of smothering your enemies in sweet chocolately goodness. After all, that's how The Terror did in Johnny Polite in The Tick.

C'mon, someone else has got to remember that episode besides me...

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Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2005 11:51:11 -0500
From: "Jim Murphy"
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Superdickery Wallpapers

Hello,

I love the site and was wondering if it would be ok if I made some
superdickery wallpapers for my site? It'd be something like one of the
covers and your quote next to it. Nothing fancy I just thought I'd ask
to make sure yo uwouldn't mind. Thanks.

Sure, go right ahead. I'd like to see them when you're done.

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Date: Wed, 23 Nov 2005 00:46:30 -0500
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Everything's Better with Monkeys
From: "Patrick Barletta"

Hey, i'm sure someone already let you know this, but as to your
question on the page http://www.superdickery.com/monkey/10.html , there is an
actual explanation. In common mafia terms (and considering how the guys
in that picture are dressed they do appear to be mafia members), a
"gorilla" is a strong-arm man, sometimes a hitman, for the Don. his job
is to go and "convince" people to do what is "best for them", as it
were. Just giving you a heads up in case you weren't aware of this bit
of terminology, since aside from the fact that it really IS a gorilla's
apartment, that cover isn't terribly funny.

--Patrick Barletta

But the cover has a gorilla on it! Gorillas make everything hilarious!

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Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 14:53:55 -0800 (PST)
From: "David Holland"
Subject: genie with the light brown hair
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com

Fantastic site.

You might want to file the cover at
http://www.superdickery.com/other/253.html under "most
strained cultural reference" or something to that
effect.

"I Dream of Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair" is a
song from the mid-nineteenth century written by
Stephen Foster. The lyrics aren't bad as romantic
poetry, but the music is another matter. Mr. Foster
also afflicted the public with "Oh Suzanna", "De
Camptown Races", and several other songs from that era
that you would undboutedly recognize. These songs
remain with us today thanks to the baby-boomers who
couldn't make it as folk singers in the late sixties
and became public school music teachers in the early
seventies.

I assume the song was the inspiration for the title to
the late sixties TV series "I Dream of Jeannie", in
which Jeannie was, of course, a genie. This was
somewhat clever. To complete the circle to the "genie
with the light brown hair" is a stretch, however, and
to pair the phrase with that cover is just wrong.
The best use of Mr. Foster's title was a throw-away
line in a Bugs Bunny cartoon: "I dream of Jeanie
she's a light brown hare."

All of this goes to shown that I know way too much
useless trivia.

Keep up the great work.

Dave

People have written in to inform me that it was the title to a song, but that is by far the most comprehensive explanation I've been offered. At least the most comprehensive explanation I can recall. I get a lot of e-mail...

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Subject: Comments
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 10:29:35 -0500
From: "Jordan Marks"
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com

About your comments on http://www.superdickery.com/stupor/49.html, obviously it doesn’t belong in the Seduction of the Innocent section, despite appearances, because batman isn’t gay! Despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary… Such as this picture…

(Did I fake it well enough to show up in the mailbag?)

Apparently so.

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Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 01:37:43 -0600
From: "Nate"
To: superdickwebmaster@yahoo.com
Subject: Complaint. Somewhat.

Sir, I have to complain. I was, quite calmly and serenely, enjoying my
breakfast cereal this morning, and stumbled upon your latest update. I
found the first new covers amusing; however, when I came across the
"Godzilla vs. Barkley" crossover cover, I literally choked on my
cereal.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

That aside, it strikes me as Barkley should, at least, be arrested and
tried for creating a public disturbance. Not only is he 30 feet tall,
but he seems to have (purposely, I'm sure) stepped on a building's gas
boiler or something. Seeing as Godzilla apparently spits web. And his
only attack seems to be easily deflected by Barkley's military-issue
basketball. Poor Godzilla. I'm willing to wager that people will end up
blaming him for this whole mess. What's more, Barkley will obviously
humiliate him in any game of "Hoops", since all Godzilla has are those
stubby arms and tiny legs. It's not his fault he knocks over buildings;
he can't step over them. Wheras Charles can easily jump over them, but
chooses to blow them up anyways. I bet Godzilla was picked on as a kid,
too (by Charles, no less). Poor guy.

Also, with the "Million Year Old Teenager" cover, you miss the most
obvious question: How the heck did they end up in that position in the
first place? It strikes me as a rather hard one to get into period, let
alone on accident.

Anyways, nice site. Keep it up. Just don't make me choke on my cereal
again.

~Nate

Bless you, kind sir, for being the only person to write in identifying Godzilla's breath as webbing.

It was a refreshing read after reading letters from people who leaped to the whole "Ha ha, he's breathing semen on Charles Barkley!" gag...

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That's all for now. -- Mike

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