The Fourth Wall Lies in Shambles

robot
Hello, and welcome to the 25th installment of the Legends of Batman!

BatmanWe sure have had a lot of wacky adventures together, haven’t we Mike?

robotWe sure have, Jesus!

Batman We just thought now would be a good time to let you, the common people, have a peek behind the scenes and see what goes into crafting a Legend of Batman.

robot To that end, we’ve arranged this little show, where we’ll show you deleted scenes and tell you the stories behind the stories.

BatmanAll that, and a special surprise guest later in the show! Let’s get started.

robot Here’s an interesting tidbit; When the Legends of Batman series was first conceived, it was intended to have a running gag where every story would involve ice cream in some way. i.e. the dine and dash story would have had Batman darting out after eating a bowl of ice cream, the Jaywalker’s hideout was originally in an abandoned ice cream factory, etc. etc.

Batman So what happened?

robot Well originally, the Riddler at the dance club story was going to have him licking ice cream off a spoon, but it was axed because bars don’t serve ice cream. As a result, the whole running gag was terminated.

Batman Another interesting fact is that originally the story about the lemurs was two different stories. One was about the lemurs, the other was about me taking on another hero.

robot Interestingly enough though, originally it wasn’t Tarzan, but Gizmo Duck that Batman was going to fight. Unfortunately, neither story was working out right, so they got merged into one.

Batman It didn’t work then either.

robot Shut up!

Batman A lot of people have trouble believing some of the stuff you tell them, Mike. Why don’t we go down a quick list of events and you can fill us in on the true story?

robot Go for it.

Batman Ever been to Israel?

robot False. But I have actually been to Europe on several occasions.

Batman Those were some pretty loony questions on the crossword from your school paper.

robot True! Those were actual clues from the crossword.

Batman You actually managed to get Smokescreen back into vehicle mode?

robotFalse. OK fine, you got me there.

BatmanGigli being completely rented out. Get real…

robot
TRUE! It was completely rented out.

BatmanThat… is truly terrifying.

robot
I know. It keeps me awake at night.

Batman
So on a lighter note, here’s tonight’s special guest… The Penguin!

Penguin
Awk awk!

robot
He looks kind of familiar…

BatmanHe should, he’s the Penguin.

PenguinAwk awk!

robotNo, I think that’s just a penguin again.

BatmanYou sure?  It’s so hard to tell…

robotWait a minute, that’s not just any penguin! That’s the penguin you beat up at Sea World!

Batman
Oh no! He’s come back to wreak terrible fiery vengeance upon us all!

Untitled-1Awk awk!

robotLook out!  He’s got a gun!

BatmanStand back!  I’ll take care of this!

Untitled-1Awk awk!  *BLAM*

robotOH GOD! HE SHOT ME! HE SHOT ME!

BatmanHmmmm… You seem to have been shot…

robotGee, you think? You think this may be a gunshot wound? You think maybe the bullet exiting the barrel of his gun and boring a hole through my flesh, bone, and organs constitutes being shot? YOU’RE A FREAKIN’ GENIUS, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE!

Untitled-1Awk awk!  *BLAM*

robotHOLY MOTHER OF GOD HE SHOT ME AGAIN! I’VE BEEN SHOT AGAIN!

BatmanIndeed you have.

robotI thought you said you were going to handle this?! Why aren’t you DOING ANYTHING?!

Untitled-1Awk Awk *Brandishes gun*

robotOH GOD, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!

Batman*Hurls Batarang*

Untitled-1*Is now dead*

BatmanBoy, you sure are bleeding a lot. Maybe you should go to a hospital.

robotI hate you!  I HATE YOU!

LEGENDS OF BATMAN!